In the fast-paced world of modern dating, ghosting and breadcrumbing have become all too common. Both tactics leave people feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained. While ghosting is the act of completely cutting off communication without explanation, breadcrumbing is a more drawn-out process where someone keeps you hanging on with sporadic attention. But which is worse? Let’s dive into the differences between the two and explore why breadcrumbing can sometimes hurt more than ghosting.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is the complete cessation of communication, usually without any warning or explanation. One day, things seem fine, and the next, the person vanishes. No calls, no texts, no closure. Ghosting leaves you in the dark, questioning what went wrong and why the person disappeared.
While painful, ghosting at least provides a clear (though indirect) message: the relationship is over. The lack of communication forces you to move on, even if you’re left wondering about the reasons behind their sudden exit. According to a survey by YouGov, about 23% of people admit to ghosting someone, and though it’s a harsh method, it’s become increasingly normalized in the dating landscape.
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, is more insidious because it involves giving someone just enough attention to keep them around, without any intention of committing. You may get sporadic messages or plans that never materialize. Each interaction offers a glimmer of hope that something more will develop, but it never does.
Unlike ghosting, breadcrumbing keeps you emotionally hooked, making it harder to move on. The breadcrumber gives you just enough to keep you invested, but not enough to build a real connection. It’s the emotional equivalent of being fed scraps.
Why Breadcrumbing Hurts More Than Ghosting
- False Hope: Breadcrumbing prolongs the emotional pain by keeping hope alive. You’re left wondering whether this time, they’ll finally commit, or if they’re just busy. The inconsistent attention tricks you into thinking that maybe, just maybe, things will improve.
- Emotional Manipulation: Breadcrumbing is a form of emotional manipulation. It keeps you attached without any intention of giving you the emotional fulfillment you deserve. It’s a tactic used to keep options open while never fully investing in one person.
- Lack of Closure: While ghosting offers a brutal form of closure, breadcrumbing never allows you to fully move on. You’re constantly checking your phone, hoping for a message, and every interaction reignites old feelings, preventing you from finding someone who is truly invested in you.
- Prolonged Pain: Ghosting ends things abruptly, allowing you to start healing sooner. Breadcrumbing, however, stretches out the pain over weeks or even months, creating an emotional rollercoaster that keeps you in limbo.
Why People Breadcrumb and Ghost
Both behaviors often stem from a fear of confrontation. The ghoster avoids the discomfort of ending things directly, while the breadcrumber enjoys the ego boost of having someone interested without committing. It’s easier for them to keep you on the hook than to be honest about their lack of interest.
In the digital dating world, where options seem endless, people are more likely to engage in breadcrumbing and ghosting. The convenience of dating apps allows people to dip in and out of communication without facing the consequences of hurting someone’s feelings in person. Research from Pew shows that 53% of online daters believe people on dating apps are looking for casual relationships, which contributes to the rise of these behaviors.
How to Deal with Ghosting and Breadcrumbing
- Set Boundaries: If someone is breadcrumbing you, take control by setting clear boundaries. Ask for clarity on where the relationship is headed and don’t be afraid to walk away if you’re not getting the consistency you deserve.
- Don’t Take It Personally: Ghosting and breadcrumbing are reflections of the other person’s inability to communicate effectively, not a reflection of your worth. Recognize that these behaviors are about them, not you.
- Move On: Both ghosting and breadcrumbing can leave emotional scars, but the best way to protect yourself is to move on. Don’t waste your time waiting for someone who isn’t willing to invest in you.
Conclusion
While ghosting is hurtful, breadcrumbing can be even more damaging in the long run. The false hope, emotional manipulation, and prolonged pain can leave lasting effects on your self-esteem and mental health. Recognize the signs early, set boundaries, and prioritize relationships where there’s mutual respect and consistent effort. Remember, you deserve someone who is fully invested in you—not someone who keeps you hanging on for their convenience.
